It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
