I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Are my feet made of real feet?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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