You made me cry and you don't even care
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
