The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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