i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
