He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
