so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
