if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
