That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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