My first STD was from a foam party
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it hurts more in the daytime
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
