This girl is more easily done than said...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
