I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
