She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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