How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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