a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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