We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
