Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The uberlube is also flammable
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
