my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
we're so committed to being not committed
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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