you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We need to get me chipped asap
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
