I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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