guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
