she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
