She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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