my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
