dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's official drugs can't kill me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
