Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
