I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
