I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
