On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
its not stalking. its research.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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