I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
