Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
