I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
