Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
