I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
