you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
