I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
