dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize