I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
