This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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