Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
