Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
