So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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