Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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