If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
