you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
