I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize