living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
