I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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