Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
