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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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