WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
