im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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