I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
