Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I understand Curling. That high.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
