I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
