I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
