I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
