he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
