FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
