We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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