just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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