My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
