Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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