I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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