Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
