I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
