Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
What a dumb baby whore.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I did not marry a roomba.
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