if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
