Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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