Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
