alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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