I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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