I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
