I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
thus making me awesome and them whores
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
