come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
