i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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