Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
