I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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