Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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