I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
