I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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