Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
