my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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