therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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