we're blogging at a bar
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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