i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
