Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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