Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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