in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize