i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
