how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
