You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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