The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize