If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I need a burrito and a hug.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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