he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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