i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't deserve a penis
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
